Thor: Love and Thunder Review

Note: This article was originally written close to July 25th 2022. However it still reflects my opinions on the movie.

I don’t watch movies that often. Usually when I go to a theater to watch a new movie it’s because a friend has invited me or it’s part of a group event (which doesn’t happen often). Typically if I watch a movie it won’t be at a theater, usually because of the price and it’s not enjoyable for me to go alone. I’ll either watch it on a DVD or BluRay or (more frequently) by “finding it online”. COUGH COUGH.

That said, I went and saw Thor: Love and Thunder the other day and I wanted to write my opinion on the movie.

A First Time For Everything

Let me just put this up front first and foremost so we can all have proper expectations of what this article is about: this will not be a favorable review of the movie.

There. Now, moving on.

I really don’t know where to start with this, so I suppose I’ll just start with what’s on my mind. This movie was the first movie I almost fell asleep in. THAT’S A BIG DEAL. I’ve had movies before where I was like “yeah yeah, okay, let’s move on now”, but rarely was I ever so disinterested in a story that I would rather fall asleep.

It’s also the first movie I’ve actively disliked to the point that I’d write a negative review about it (this is it by the way, in case you didn’t know). I’ve never been one for writing negative opinions about stuff, I usually reserve that privilege to things that I feel are over-hyped or where I feel so differently from everyone around me. Again, this doesn’t happen often for me for movies, because I see so few of them (compared to Anime, LONG LIVE THE KING).

The Many Problems

I’d like to highlight a few things that I had issues with throughout the movie, which reared their ugly heads through almost the entire viewing experience:

• The pacing was atrocious
• The script was contrived and horrible
• The effects were C or B grade at best
• The acting was laughable
• The jokes were dead inside

I’ll get to these one at a time, but I’d like to make a brief statement in my defense (or perhaps in the defense of previous Marvel entries? to which I’ve only seen maybe two or three). A few years ago I saw Guardians of the Galaxy, and that was pretty good. It was fun, actiony, and visually interesting. That movie knew it’s audience and to whom it was made for. It was supposed to be silly and took itself that way, and made you feel the same way, while also not dumbing it down because it was aimed at older audiences. So the jokes were more mature and decently written. I feel the same way for The Avengers although that was different, it wasn’t attempting to be funny as it had a more serious story to tell. But on the whole, both were MUCH better movies than this…. moving picture.

The Pacing Was Atrocious

This movie was so rapid-fire in everything it did it felt like the script writers were attempting to cram what should have been a two part movie into one, or more likely, were trying to cram in a lot of stupid ideas into one story.

The characters would have a moment, then they’d immediately move on. Something that should have been more impactful had they given it the space and time needed to let the particular scene sink in was instead chopped up along with everything else, and thus felt flat and 2D. And it did horrible work on the jokes, they’d be delivered then they would immediately start discussing something else, or even worse: rapid fire a whole bunch of stupid one-liners.

All-in-all this felt like it was paced like The Lego Movie, a movie for kids.

The Script Was Contrived And Horrible

I don’t have much to say about the script other than it felt like the movie was written by a bunch of middle-schoolers who had just been allowed to work on a Marvel movie for charity. Also, most of my gripes were also touched on with the last point.

The Effects Were C or B Grade at best

There were points where you could almost see the green-screen, which says a lot because like every other movie these days pretty much the entire set was green screen. There were a lot of things that just felt sub-par and lackluster. One of the issues I was noticing was the lack of gravity and impact a lot of the effects had (or in this case, didn’t have). When things smashed or got blown up it felt less like the mighty hammer Mjolnir and more like an 8oz ball-pien hammer.

The Acting Was Laughable

Now, this is also partially due to the script, but honestly it felt like I was watching (again) a bunch of middle-schoolers who got to pretend to be Thor and Crew. Very sad.

The Jokes Were Dead Inside

Previously I mentioned that the pacing for the jokes was terrible, but there is a much larger underlying issue with the jokes: THEY SUCKED DONKEY BALLS. Heck, I’m sure that was probably one of the jokes in the movie; “hee hee, he said BALLS”. And that was the joke. Was that they said balls. Now that wasn’t in the script, but there was a joke like that in there, and I slapped my face in shame and embarrassment.

Parting thoughts

This movie suffers from a lack of identity I think, as all the issues I’ve discussed culminate into a movie that seems to not know for whom it was made and what kind of story it’s trying to tell. I’ve touched on this several times in this article, but all-in-all, this movie felt like it was made by and for middle-schoolers who don’t know what a good movie is. I’m serious.

I’d also like to repeat myself again: I don’t like writing negative reviews, but I felt that this one had to be made. I wanted to express just how abysmal this movie was in my experience.

That leads me to my last and final point: if you liked this movie that is okay and you’re allowed to have you own opinions. Just don’t bother trying to change my mind, as I’m pretty set on this one.

Final score: -1/10

If this movie was the only thing I had left on a desert island to entertain myself, I’d take that box and smash it into my skull first.

kenizl86 out!